The Most Dreaded Day

For a lot of people, Mother’s Day is just another day and go on about their celebrations without missing a beat. And then there are those that have to force a smile and just try to make it through the day.

I’ve been on both sides.

I’ve been on the side that doesn’t know the loss of a child. The side that doesn’t know what it’s like to not have children. The side that doesn’t know about medications or shots to conceive a child. The side that doesn’t constantly go to the bathroom to check for bleeding after a positive test. The side that doesn’t know the heartache that suddenly floods your soul once you think you’ve moved on and then get a bill in the mail from your loss a year later. The side that hasn’t spent hours looking into adoption or fostering. The side that doesn’t have to dream about the what if’s and make believe fairytales of a family with children. But then I became a part of this side.

I’ve also been on the side that knows what it’s like to carry life and deliver two healthy babies.

I’m incredibly happy because I am a mother. I love my babies beyond any form of measure and I’m eternally grateful that I get to be their mother.

I also remember what it was like for me on Mother’s Day after having a few miscarriages. I rejoiced for those that knew the happiness I now feel- but I also cried in the shower for about an hour because my heart was filled with grief and an emptiness that will forever remain.

Every Christmas I hang an ornament on our tree that is in memory of our heavenly babes. And I cry every time I find it in the ornament box to hang. I cry for the lives that I created but never knew. I cry for the what if’s. I cry because I wouldn’t know Ezra and Campbell if those pregnancies had been successful. I cry because time doesn’t truly heal a broken heart- you just learn to deal.

And then there are the moms that held their babies and lost them due to tragedy. And for those moms… I have no words, because really and truly there just aren’t enough words or minutes in a day to ever take away that kind of gut wrenching pain.

So as you sweet mamas go about your Mother’s Day weekend, I challenge you this: stop and take a moment. Take a moment and truly think about what the day means and be thankful that you’re lucky enough to hold your precious babes. Take a moment and think about those mamas that never have or no longer hold their babies. Take a moment and think of those that always wanted the privilege to be a mama but never got that chance.

For some of us, it’s a Happy Mother’s Day. And for others of us, it’s the Most Dreaded Day. And for some of us, it’s both.

One thought on “The Most Dreaded Day

  1. Karen Mills says:

    This is incredibly Beautiful! I am blessed beyond words to have you, Sam, EZRA and Campbell in our lives. My Mothers Day will be beautiful because of my 3 awesome children. My 6 wonderful grandchildren and 2 great grandsons. GOD IS GOOD. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO YOU, MEGAN. I LOVE YOU!!


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