I had to do the unthinkable today. Many of you know the journey Sam and I have been on to bring our precious blessing into this world. Obviously we experienced a lot of pain and heartache just as any person would that struggles with issues of miscarriages, infertility, loss of a child, etc. But we’ve also dealt with something I never thought would be an issue. There are people out there battling their own struggles and they are angry with our success. It’s nothing personal towards us, they are just going through the motions and unfortunately our happiness is a vessel of sadness towards others who haven’t had our success. I was ok with this for a long time because I know the emotions they are experiencing. Sam and I were never personally angry with anyone when they had successful pregnancies because it wasn’t their fault that we weren’t, but unfortunately people cope differently and people struggle differently. We have been the root of people’s anger and I finally found myself angry about it this morning. Maybe it’s the surge of pregnancy hormones I’ve been experiencing, but I felt the rage and hate towards another person. Y’all, I realized I’m no better than them if I react this way. I have been praying for these couples for months that they will feel a sense of peace cover them, but this morning I had to pray for peace over myself. I was angry. I was humiliated. I could not believe that my happiness and success could possibly be ruined by someone else’s anger and jealously. I’m thankful I experienced this surge of emotions because it really has brought a new light in me. So today I did the unthinkable. I forgave them for hating me. I forgave myself for hating me because I have what they so desire. I forgave myself for judging someone because they judged me. But most importantly, I forgave myself for ever thinking for a dang second that I don’t deserve this sweet child. The only thing I can do from this point on is continue to pray for peace and comfort in their lives and raise my son to be the abundant blessing he is in our lives. We are so thankful for this opportunity. Today I experienced a moment of weakness. Today I experienced a moment that will change the way I react to other’s feelings towards me. Today I experienced a very valuable lesson. I ask that you all lift up these anonymous names with me as they seek a sense of calmness and peace with their struggles.
Wash away my guilt and cleanse me from my sin
– Psalm 51:2